Stuffing

Prayers of gratitude and grieving

This morning when I arrived at work, I was startled to discover an answer to prayer. It was completely unexpected but I am very grateful! I don't feel like I responded correctly because it completely blindsided me, but I think that's ok. I'll do better next time.

This past week, when I went to the doctor for my hand I saw the nurse who worked with me when I was pregnant with James. It made me nostalgic and sad. Not that I want to have another baby. I don't believe I have the energy for that! What my problem is seems to stem back to a day when James was only maybe 6 days old (and I know I was hormonal and all) and I remember sitting at the kitchen table with him in my arms and just KNOWING that he would be my only baby. And I was crying a lot. And everyone said to me that it would be alright and that I was just emotional and not thinking straight, or whatever. But I needed to grieve it. And apparently I needed to grieve it then and I didn't get to because I listened to the rational voices around me. (Kim was telling me last week about how she knew there was something wounded in her spirit years ago and people didn't take it seriously and said she would be ok in a year or so) If something is wrong, sometimes you shouldn't placate it.

When I when to Calvary Church last night, they announced their ladies night theme that was this evening was 'babies' so I thought that since I was having issues with this, that I should go. I gave myself permission to grieve even if it was in a bunch of mainly strangers. However, the night didn't go so much as I expected. It was more teaching than interaction, which is fine. Looking at baby pictures was a wee bit difficult, but I did ok. So not so much grieving, more learning which was easier and I was completely fine with.

posted by Aphra @ 10/04/2010 10:45:00 PM