Stirring
What I like about prayer meetings at Rustle is that they stir me up. Not so much what we pray about, but that we pray. On the walk home from Rustle after prayer and the walk in to work this morning, the prayer flowed easily. I like to walk and pray. I don't worry what people think as they might just think i have an ipod. Or think I am crazy. It really doesn't bother me to pray out loud while I walk. Sometimes, if I get too loud, I have to check myself though :) I am liking the flow of it.As a follow up to the best intentions post, my office mate's computer went into a huge tailspin, but I got my backup computer set up for him, so he's doing ok now. And Lucas and James made up, so everything has sort of worked out.
Henri asked me yesterday how Myron was doing. I don't remember what I said to her, but she said to me "You're just letting him do his little dance out there, aren't you?" - she sees that I have to distance myself from it. I don't know if that is healthy, but it IS how I am coping, she is correct. People ask me every day how I am doing, how Myron is doing. I never know how to answer. I know they ask out of concern, out of good intentions, but because there seems to be an open wound in me about the subject, that it really is painful to hear the questions. I exist by ignoring the open wound. Asking the questions reminds me it's there.
posted by Aphra @ 5/22/2008 12:26:00 PM
1 Comments:
Aphra...I wanted to comment earlier about this post and somehow let time slip by...I'm not sure the wounds with Myron nor is it my business, but I can make an educated guess....I wanted to say I think I am going through a similar situation with my mom- that really doesn't matter, but I guess my point is...I totally understand about not knowing how to respond to the questions...I feel people don't really understand except my dear Shave!! ( Shari) Oh..my mom has bi-polar by the way but it is a mild case...however in the last couple of years it is worse..it was never a problem growing up, so I"m not sure what is happening with age...anyways...i know at my churh people can be critical of mental illness and don't get it, so i really can't ask for prayer support which is the only way for my dad and I and my mom to get through it..I have been openning up to some people and it is freeing but sometimes I feel like i'm disrespecting my mom's privacy. I know the questions bring up the wounds but I am finding it freeing to release it and get it out of me!! I am getting better and not reacting and immediately giving it up to GOd in prayer, but it is not easy! ANyways, I just wanted to encourage you today...my prayers are with you! Karyne
PS. I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability!
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