Stuffing

Personal

In the last month, I have spent a lot of time thinking and praying about transformation. I was not praying for this for myself (though maybe I should have) but it seems to be happening anyway.

When Sam was speaking today some things seemed to come together for me. I don't think it related to what Sam was saying, though maybe it did. I remember Joanne read the scripture and it was from the old testament where Elisha told Namaan to wash in the river Jordan. And Namaan didn't want to - that wasn't the answer to prayer that he expected. I guess it is kind of like that for me.

My whole life I have been pretty shy. When I look at things about myself that I wish I could change, this would be the big one. There was a time that I prayed a lot for God to change this. And I thought I was doing better. I still struggle at formal functions like weddings and funerals and ceremonies mainly with not wanting to talk to the 'important people' and waste their time.

This past year I have had some things that I have been struggling with and not understanding. My heart has been torn and reworked and just when I thought I would get to the end, everything would begin again. And I didn't understand.

And during the service as I was listening to Sam, suddenly it all made sense. I understood that those struggles were a way that the shyness was being torn down. Didn't I pray for that? Didn't I completely miss it when the prayer was answered as I got all caught up in the struggles, thinking that was the problem? The answer came but it didn't come in the way that I expected!

Thank you Holy Spirit for showing up and always being there with us.

On an unrelated note, I haven't seen my girlfriend who was my BFF in high school since last summer, but we are frequently in contact via FB. Not deep contact, but a message now and then. I noticed on FB a couple of weeks ago that a couple of people posted a congratulation to her about having a son. She hasn't posted about this on FB herself so I don't know the day of birth, name, weight, etc. But she didn't even mention to me that she was pregnant!!!! In previous pregnancies she kept me up to date with all the details. Am I too busy that she just didn't want to bother me? Or has she just gotten too used to pregnancy (it would have been her 3rd)? I am not sure how to broach the issue now!

ETA: I wrote the above part about the shy and then TOLD people I wrote about it and now I want to un-write it, but I don't.

posted by Aphra @ 7/04/2010 04:44:00 PM