Stuffing

Or else

Do you know "or else" people? People who say you have to do things a certain way 'or else'?

You have to do something a certain way 'or else' the church is doomed? (it wasn't)

You have to do things a certain way 'or else' we'll leave the church? (they did, it's ok)

or I'm sure Jordin has heard this one - You shouldn't homeschool 'or else' your children will not socialize properly, etc.

I have never been keen on people who are so demanding. Pushing that their way is right. Those are just some vague examples, but I think you know what I'm getting at.

Now, I haven't really considered myself an 'or else' person. I think it's really important that people make the choices that are best for them and that may not be the same choices that are best for me. I think you've got to be true to God and yourself.

I have had a couple of instances at work recently where I have had 'or else' moments and I only realized it today. I'm a bit surprised. The first one, I think I was kind of right to have an 'or else' moment. A lady at work was doing something incorrectly and I sent her a nice email on how to do it correctly and she ignored me and continued to do it incorrectly. This really bothered me, but I don't think I understood why until today. Today at work one of my co-workers had a choice to talk to me or to talk to someone else. They chose the other person. Now this was a logical choice, not a vindictive one. The co-worker could not speak to both of us at the same time and had to make a choice. One of us was going to lose, and it happened to be me. And it wasn't even 'losing'! Logically, it was nothing to be upset about, but I was.

And then, this evening, it was like I could see the puzzle pieces coming together. When I was a kid, I felt that my father chose his work over me. For years I have felt that Myron chose his computer games over me. You would think I would be used to the second place thing, but instead it is a wound that is wide open and when little things happen, it inflames that cut even more and the reaction that I have is not proportionate to the event that occurred. Luckily, I don't think I show it to the person who caused me the pain. Hopefully, I hold my pain together well enough. lol. Until I write about it here, anyway.

I feel that I am being selfish. That wanting to be first place is selfish and I don't like it about myself. I know that with God I am first place (and that He feels that way about all of us) I have to find a way to be less selfish and heal the wound.

posted by Aphra @ 5/01/2009 08:56:00 PM