Emotional attachment
As Layla said in her comment, I wasn't really emotionally attached to Pete or John. I find emotional attachment difficult. I resist emotional attachment where possible. That may be why I don't want another baby. Maybe it scares me how much I am invested in James.When James was born, I didn't want anything to do with him. Partly, I might have been blaming him for the traumatic birth. Partly I might have been resisting the emotional attachment. He was born at 2:30am and I refused to have pretty much anything to do with him until after 5am and only then because I felt it was my duty because Myron really had to go home and have some rest. I didn't really want him with me. But shortly after I took him, he grabbed onto my finger and wouldn't let go, and I knew he needed me and I was toast.
Growing up, my family was pretty isolated, in that all my extended family was in Europe so basically all it was was my brother and mom and dad. In high school, I had friends at school and in the neighbourhood, but I spent a lot of time with my brother and reading books and doing schoolwork. I didn't put friends high on the priority list. My parents didn't spend a lot of time with friends, so I probably mimicked their priority schedule.
When my parents had dropped me off at Queen's, I remember locking myself in my room and thinking that I could get through the experience without having to deal with the social scene. I missed the first meal because I really wouldn't come out of my room. But Queen's is very community oriented in the first year, so that didn't last long. I was dragged around lots of places. I did make a good friend, Clara, in that first week who is still my friend today.
Being away from Rustle for 3 weeks due to sickness was hard because really it is my support structure. Yesterday, I was pretty much wishing I could move back to St. C.
They're a good group, I'm trying to let them in to my life. Though James can be a bit of a distraction from that.
posted by Aphra @ 2/04/2007 09:02:00 PM
3 Comments:
Yeah. You are missed when you are away from Rustle. It was nice to have you back yesterday.
This was interesting to learn about you. i am kind of the opposite, I get too attached. Its weird how we can all be so different yet the same (if that makes any sense).
Sounds like Rustle is the place for you to be.
I'm a quick attacher, like Layla it seems. I've rapidly come to the conclusion that I cannot date non-Christian guys (not that there's a mass of them hammering on my door!) for that very reason. I get too attached way too quickly, and then am unable to think straight. And if I'd not be prepared to marry a guy who doesn't share my priorities - in my rational mind - then I don't want to run the risk of talking myself into something I shouldn't.
But on the contrary, I find it hard to make emotional attachments - friendships - with women my age. I guess due to the 'joys' of an all-girls school and having very few friends as a teen. I'm finding it easier now, and have a good handful of female friends. But it doesn't take much for me to feel rejected and push them away. And many of my closer female friends are at least 10 years old than me.
Apologies for the rambling there!
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