Quite a night
Wednesday night was an incredibly bad night. We picked up James at lunch. Drove to my friend Clara's in Toronto. Had a nice visit with her and her family. She put us in her girls' room for the night. James fell asleep right away. At around midnight Myron 'suddenly' got a cold and was tossing and turning (I thought it was all the caffeine he drank!) and got up to go to the bathroom a number of times. The result was he did not sleep, nor did I. When I did close my eyes it was nightmare scenes. I also had what might be termed a 'vision' but as I was so overtired it might have also been a 'hallucination' but I was looking in what might have been a bar and there were all these people in there with bad habits (like one was smoking) and they were all floating in the air but they were all attached together with these large metal 'pins'.
I don't know if it was an attack or what the heck was going on, but it was nasty. I prayed a lot of the night and when we got up, I prayed more and read a lot of the Psalms out loud. We lived.
Beyond the birthday
I have a lot churning in my head. I'm heading to St. C in a couple of days. I expect it to be a difficult trip in a number of ways. My dad and the worry over his health. My mom and my bumpy relationship since the last trip. But it will be good to go. I hope Myron will be ok to drive as I still haven't done much (any) driving in the car. I just don't have anywhere to go or any time to go there. Is it just like driving a bike? Will it all come back to me?
I really enjoyed Brandon's sermon this morning. Especially since watching the
Jesus is messy video. His sermon seemed to connect so well with what other things I've been reading. It seems like that every week in Rustle for me. I particularly loved his story about how sheep in some mountainous area would jump down to get green grass not realizing that they are on the ledge of a mountain and they are in great danger. And how the shepherd had to wait until they were starving to go and rescue them otherwise they would jump. That story rang so true. We sheep can be pretty headstrong wanting to eat our grass and not know that salvation is coming and thinking it is something threatening but it is really what is good for us.
James hasn't quite grasped the Jesus is messy idea. He kinda like the Jesus organizes the world sort of thing. Despite being the only child at the evening service down the street, he seems to like it a lot. He likes the order. This week was a bit different as they had a guest speaker. Now I really like Peter so I wasn't real excited about a guest. The guest was interesting. He said a lot of good things. My favorite part was when he said something like when was the last time you told God you loved him and James started looking earnestly at the sky. But the speaker kept bringing everything back to his radio project, which obviously is very important to him and he's very passionate about and I think it's probably a very good project. Just seemed a little overconsuming.
On Friday, we took a road trip to Cole Lake (all the Rustlers) and there was a beautiful spirit in the place. As we sang, it was like I was hearing God explain some answer to a question I had been asking him that was troubling me. Sometimes an atmosphere like that can make it easier to hear God. I'm still processing it. God does want to help us. I'm glad to say. I tell Him I love him a lot.
DQ for sure
Thanks Bob, for trying to make me feel better. I would not have a birthday without a DQ cake. That's a requirement, no matter how I feel about my birthday!
I'm pretty worried about my dad. They are doing all kinds of tests on his heart. They said it looks like some remnants of a heart attack. I think that's what they said about Doug as well. Whatever it all means.
Birthday disillusions
In past years, I have thrown myself a birthday party. Birthdays didn't really bother me, just a good excuse to have people over. This year, I am disillusioned. I don't really feel like having a birthday this year, thank you. I feel old.
Pieces
Heh. Al made me cry during his sermon today because it actually helped me to understand my previous post. Al also made me cry last week by showing Where the Red Fern Grows. Are you trying to make me cry in Church every week Al?
I guess what hurts between me and my mother is because it is now a 'scorecard' love. I know if I do and say the correct things she will be happy. I will, of course, make and effort to do these things because I do want her to be happy. But it is hard as I feel that her love is based on conditions. I am glad she is clear about what she wants, just sad because it seems that the relationship has less depth than before. But, as Bob said, all relationships are kinda flawed in this world, so I guess I should set my bar low :)
I went to the Calvary Church down the road tonight with James. Peter spoke on Jesus' first miracle- turning water into wine. This made James run out for a drink of water multiple times. Peter related it to our own lives, that no matter what the problem is, that we can still look to Jesus for a miracle.
This time was a bit more difficult for me socially. Last time James' Pioneer teacher was there, so I talked to her. This time I knew zero people. And it's a small Church, so we stuck out like a sore thumb again. And I'm much more shy when I know zero people, so I've found! But I stayed and chatted and found out that Edie has been praying for James since the summer when he went to vacation bible school there. At the end of VBS, I guess they gave out the names of the kids to the people in the congregation to pray for. And I guess they do. So that was cool.
