Not by might
Many years ago I had a Leslie Phillips album that had a song called
"Not by might". A beautiful song (though the dancing may be a bit distracting- I couldn't find a version that I liked without video)- I haven't heard it in years but I was at Kim's Church on Sunday night and one scripture that the pastor said triggered the song :)
The first Christian Church I attended was a lot like Kim's church. At the end of the service they both routinely have people come forward to be prayed for. I tend to avoid such demonstrations as I prefer to pray and be prayed for on a more personal level. But I also try to be obedient and on Sunday, they had the whole Church come down for prayer. Now, so really not to be rude, I guess, I went to the front with Kim. Sometimes when people are prayed for they fall to the ground 'slain in the spirit' as it were. One of my best friends when I went to the Church many years ago was a 'catcher' and he would tell me that he could tell the difference when people went down in the spirit or in the flesh. He said if they truly go down in the spirit they are light as a feather to get down and really wouldn't have needed a 'catcher' at all. The catchers catch the flesh. People who go down because it LOOKS 'spiritual'. They need to be caught so they don't get hurt, so I was told.
Anyway, I have no objection to falling if that is what God would have me do.
At Kim's church, the guy who prayed for me was Pastor Bill. And I think Pastor Bill was maybe a bit too enthusiastic. He put his hand on my head and shouted a couple of words- but he was pushing really hard- I thought my head was going to pop off- and not in a good way. But I wasn't about to be pushed down. Wouldn't you rather pray lightly and see God move?
Human be-ing
I've had the song "A certain Love" running through my head the last few days.
And in prayer this morning I said that I wished I understood more about love.
And Al obliged by doing a sermon on the Good Samaritan, which was just what I needed.
That love is the ability to see others as God sees them.
A couple of weeks ago a drug dealer has seemingly moved in across the road. This bothered me for James, not so much for me at first. And thinking of the danger that it brought to the neighbourhood.
But looking at the young 'clients' that arrive really breaks my heart.
I created a new blog
"Small Time Dealing" for justice and for prayer. I will pray for these people that I note as 'visitors'. I pray that they see their way out of the addition and the blackness and know that drugs are not the answer, only Jesus is!
A lazy sort of day
Vacation seems to be wearing me down.
It has been good. I have been able to put in some routines with James that he really needs and I have been just too exhausted during the year to organize them. I've also got the house more organized.
But I give myself permission to rest a bit too. I sat and watched some episodes of Red Green with James.
As I was writing this a police car drove by and shone a light in my eyes. I'm beginning to think that the person who moved into the apartment in the house across the road is a drug dealer. And just after the police car went away a car drove up and I think the deal went down. This is too quiet a street for this sort of thing. Well that's thrown off my train of thought so I think I'll quit now.
personal boundaries
An update on my last post- my friend posted the details about her baby and I sent her a nice congratulatory email.
I told James about the birth as it is a family that we hang out with in St. C and his response was "Woah, they have to watch they don't get carried away" (He thinks 3 children in a family is a lot!)
During one of my exams a couple of weeks ago, my proctors asked personal questions about ME to an instructor of one of the exam who knew me. I'm a bit upset by this that they crossed my invisible boundaries of privacy. If they wanted to know and didn't feel like asking me, they shouldn't ask anyone really. They probably should just read my blog :) Seriously, what I put out there, I am happy with anyone knowing. But going behind my back to get personal details, that seems to cross a boundary for me.
Personal
In the last month, I have spent a lot of time thinking and praying about transformation. I was not praying for this for myself (though maybe I should have) but it seems to be happening anyway.
When Sam was speaking today some things seemed to come together for me. I don't think it related to what Sam was saying, though maybe it did. I remember Joanne read the scripture and it was from the old testament where Elisha told Namaan to wash in the river Jordan. And Namaan didn't want to - that wasn't the answer to prayer that he expected. I guess it is kind of like that for me.
My whole life I have been pretty shy. When I look at things about myself that I wish I could change, this would be the big one. There was a time that I prayed a lot for God to change this. And I thought I was doing better. I still struggle at formal functions like weddings and funerals and ceremonies mainly with not wanting to talk to the 'important people' and waste their time.
This past year I have had some things that I have been struggling with and not understanding. My heart has been torn and reworked and just when I thought I would get to the end, everything would begin again. And I didn't understand.
And during the service as I was listening to Sam, suddenly it all made sense. I understood that those struggles were a way that the shyness was being torn down. Didn't I pray for that? Didn't I completely miss it when the prayer was answered as I got all caught up in the struggles, thinking that was the problem? The answer came but it didn't come in the way that I expected!
Thank you Holy Spirit for showing up and always being there with us. On an unrelated note, I haven't seen my girlfriend who was my BFF in high school since last summer, but we are frequently in contact via FB. Not deep contact, but a message now and then. I noticed on FB a couple of weeks ago that a couple of people posted a congratulation to her about having a son. She hasn't posted about this on FB herself so I don't know the day of birth, name, weight, etc. But she didn't even mention to me that she was pregnant!!!! In previous pregnancies she kept me up to date with all the details. Am I too busy that she just didn't want to bother me? Or has she just gotten too used to pregnancy (it would have been her 3rd)? I am not sure how to broach the issue now!
ETA: I wrote the above part about the shy and then TOLD people I wrote about it and now I want to un-write it, but I don't.
