Quitting
This is the time of year that I always feel like quitting my job(s). My Queens job April is always the month where everything finishes up so abruptly and then you wonder if all the effort you put in during the year was worth it or not. And they are making some changes to the course that I'm not really on board with, so I feel like quitting. I won't. I made a committment to do work for them in the summer and next year, but I am going to warn them that this may be my last year. Other years I feel like quitting in April but that's for being worn out. This year, I don't like the direction the course is headed, so I am ready to jump ship for that. This feels more serious than other years.
I have 2 jobs at RMC. One I am frustrated with because my boss doesn't really listen to me and never replies to my emails. And my other job I get frustrated at because I'm not entirely sure if I'm doing what my boss wants.
And so the common denominator in this frustration is me. Maybe spring just makes me want to quit my jobs! I normally love my jobs so I'm sure it is just a phase!
Seeing spots
It's been a very busy week for me at work and I have one more until I get my marks in.
On Monday, I saw the dr. and she thought I was just anxious but she sent me for bloodwork and to have a heart monitor just to check things out.
On Tuesday, I had this weird experience (and I have had no symptoms since this experience)
I worked all day and on the way home, stopped at the grocery store. After about 5 minutes, I started seeing spots, like when you sit up quickly and the blood rushes from your head. At first I thought it was because I had walked for about 15 minutes and gone from the relatively chilly outside to the warm inside. So I unzipped my jacket and figured it would pass. But it didn't. I took my stuff to the checkout. And I couldn't see that much but I made the purchase, packed everything up and headed outside. I thought when I got outside that THAT would clear things up with the fresh air. But it didn't. I walked for a few blocks, trying to look around the large spots that were in front of my eyes. I got to the corner of Montreal and Ordinance and I thought that this is ridiculous - I have to pray. So I payed something about the blood over Jesus covering me and
immediately my left eye cleared. I was stunned. I mean I believe prayer works but I didn't think it would be so immediate! But I was happy because I could see out of one eye at least. I kept praying and after about 10 minutes the right eye cleared too. My eyes were very sore that night, but have been fine since.
On another note, a few days ago I was watching hockey with James. The hockey I like watching, but the fights I do not. And this night 2 of them were fighting and they were against the boards and these kids were all excited, up against the glass cheering. And I was so shocked at what they were modeling. That if you have a problem with someone, it's ok and even fun to attack them violently? My opinion, the referees should have a can of mace and spray them if they start to fight, no questions asked. I bet that would severely reduce the amount of fights in hockey! OK I know they won't go for it, but it would be effective if there were immediate consequences for their actions.
Wrong
I've never been a *great* sleeper. Not required a lot of sleep and have always woken at any little sound. BUT what has been going on these past few weeks is much much worse than I have experienced (except the first 2 years for James' life -but that was obviously due to an external stimulus!) I wake something like every hour, or even every half hour. It's crazy. It's worse that having a baby!
I'm going to see the dr. on Moday and hopefully she'll have some idea of what is going on. I have been pretty leery to take anything like a sleeping pill, because I feel my body is trying to tell me something is not right and I don't want to muffle it's voice.
We'll see what the dr. says on mon. At this point, if she thinks I should, I might take a pill for a few nights just to become sane again!
I hope nothing is to seriously wrong, but I can't figure out any lifestyle things that I can change (from reading insomnia websites) I don't drink coffee or anything with caffine (only peppermint tea and that has no caffine), I don't drink alcohol or smoke. I eat pretty healthy, get lots of exercise in the day. It's hard when you feel like you are doing everything right, but your results are bad!
A funny thing is that since we've been back from St. C, Myron has been falling asleep at 9pm (probably exhausted from either his computer game nights or from the cleaning he attempted to do while we were away) I accused him of using up my quota of sleep!
Keeping up appearances
I'm not much for keeping appearances. I don't like to dress up and be formal. Myron's mom and I have a difference of opinion on this. She thinks it is important how you present yourself because it shows respect. I don't dress James in clothes different than any other day for church because I don't se the point. God doesn't care what clothes we wear. But would it be teaching him a sign of respect if I did? I think you can respect people without putting on appearances. For me I think the greatest sign of respect is really listening when someone is talking.
I think sometimes we cover up the rough stuff in our lives to protect other people and to keep up these appearences. But I'd rather see the rough stuff first rather than be greeted with a nice handshake and a perfect face.
