Layla's request
Doing a series on my ex-boyfriends would be a short series. John was my only bf in high school, so high school is already done. I had one bf at university and one just after I graduated. So that makes only 3. I suppose I was more interested in my studies.
But they are both pretty humourous in retrospect, so I will do this very short series.
Tonight I'll tackle Pete. He was the bf just after I graduated. I was in a transitional part of my life as I was trying to work out what I was doing with my life. I'll use that as my excuse!
The library I was working at was moving into a newly built building, so the summer was pretty busy. Pete was working as a carpenter in the building, as it wasn't quite complete, even as we were moving in. That's how we met. I told him upfront I was a Christian, and he seemed ok with it. But he smoked and drank and watched a lot of hockey. And had this huge, boistrous family that smoked and drank and watched hockey.
I remember one night he had been to a hockey game and been drinking and he called me later that night and I said to him something to the effect- don't you see this is a problem? Don't you see this doesn't bode well for the relationship. He agreed.
Anyway, when the library was done, his next job was in toronto, so he still kept his apt. in kingston, but worked during the week in TO. He gave me the key to his place and while he was away I'd go in and clean his place (which was filthy because of the smoking) and watch Rodney Howard Brown tapes on his VCR. I had no VCR or TV at that point and I loved RHB. I had such a good time watching those tapes. A better time than the whole relationship, I think.
He also had me check his phone messages on his answering machine. Because if he got a call about a job he wanted to know. One call was from a girl he met and gave his number to and she left a message. And you know, that didn't even bother me. I think I'm not really a jealous type, maybe? I just laughed. Though maybe it was the RHB. The bf wasn't so bright. I told him about the call and he admitted it all, but really it didn't bother me.
One time I took him to Church. This was the only promising part of our relationship. He was so excited after Church, that he said we could do this together every week. I always went without him before. But the next day he called and recinded that. And at that point I knew the relationship had no future for sure and it wasn't too long before we ended it.
My first boyfriend
I don't know what brought this back to mind when I was walking home, but it struck me as pretty funny and I thought I'd post about him.
John and I were friends in Grade 1. Kids made fun of him and I defended him. Yes, I was a defender. Even at a young age I had to defend people. Then it was physical defence. Now, it is spiritual defence. That may have been why it all came to mind.
His family seemed to like me. They took me on trip with them. Then they moved out of town (TO) for 8 years or so.
Then they moved back. John's brother Greg went to my school. He was younger than me but he was such a nice boy. I hope he turned out ok. He was real nice. One day, I think he said that John wanted to go out with me. I agreed to it, though it really was a blind date as I hadn't seen the guy since grade 1. Anyway, we were supposed to get together for lunch, but then he changed it and we would get together for donuts. I don't like it much when people change plans on me. I think we must have been talking on the phone at that point.
Anyway, so the donut date must have gone ok.
Then we went on another date to see 'Crocodile Dundee'
Then we went Christmas shopping to the mall and he got lost playing with the toys in Radio Shack. What do I do that attracts men who like electronics?
I left him in Radio Shack and went to catch the bus. He caught up with me and couldn't understand why I left.
I think we broke up shortly after that. Before Christmas. He gave me some earrings for Christmas still though. I didn't give him anything. I gave the earrings to my best friend because they weren't the sort of thing I wore at the time.
Shortly after, he was dating a girl I worked with Tanya and my best friend said he had been seen making out with her. This really didn't bother me at all. And obviously, it didn't take him long to get over me.
Actually, I remember the break up phone convo. I asked him if he was interested in anyone else? and he said yes. And I said we're probably not meant to be together then. And he agreed, I think.
Out of town
In Matt. 8:22 Jesus takes the blind man out of town before he heals him. I hadn't seen that before. Why would He do that? He's Jesus, so surely he can heal in the village or wherever. Soemtimes, I think He moved out because of unbelief that was hindering. But sometimes, don't we need a change in our thinking/perspective to get our vision right? I want to go out of town with Jesus, so I can see straight!
Kim
My start to 2007 has been rough due to nasty sickness, but my dear friend Kim, her 2007 has been rough, but I'm not sure why. I was having these dreams about her and finally I had one that said she was believing lies. So I call her up and say "Kim, you believing lies?" And she tells me about how she's beating herself up about stuff she has done (though she wasn't specific as to how long ago it was) She came over the other night for a few minutes and just looking into her eyes, I could see she's feeling beaten down, that she hasn't got the spunk or the fight that she normally does. So I'm going to be on her tail. Parying for her and calling her, until she gets through this funk. But I tell you, it is weird. To look in someone's eyes and not see the person that you normally do.
I printed out all my dreams about her and gave them to her, but while she has shown some interest in my dreams when they were for other people, she seemed to think it a bit weird that I would have them about her!
Carrie
There's this song I hear it seems every night by Carrie (Underwood). It it called something like "Before he cheats" and it is about this girl who destroys her 'boyfriend'?'s car while he is allegedly out 'cheating'. The problem that I have is that it seems to be glorifying destruction. If he's cheating on you, fine, be mad, but don't destroy stuff. Because you are just destroying yourself. You'll have to pay for it, if you destroy it. That's the law. You have no right to destroy other people's property, even if you think you have a right because he is doing you wrong. I think this song sends the wrong message.
Trust
Sickness around me seems to shake my trust. I get all worried and then I can't sleep. I already have enough sleep problems, thank you very much. And rationally, I understand that the small sicknesses that we grapple with are not life threatening, that in a day or 2 it's all over or whatever. But I can't seem to get that rationale over my worry device in my head that works overtime. I struggle to switch it off.
I am also struggling to love someone today. She's a mom whose child also goes to the daycare. She got a sense of entitlement (she backs her van out in 2 lanes of traffic and all must stop for her, she takes her son's coat off the coathanger and drops the hanger on the floor and leaves it for me to clean up)that bothers me. Normally, the waiting Mom's or dad's make small talk, but she won't even look at me, and I'm to quiet to impose myself on someone. Why must I judge instead of loving her?
Coping
After having a week where I actually slept through the night, going back to terrible nights is very hard. At least when you don't know better, you don't miss it. I realize now that I have been coping on a lower level than average. That if I slept, I would be able to cope better.
Jan 8 Edited to add. Myron has been sick and sleeping on the couch for 2 nights and James has slept through the nights too, so I have gotten 2 nights of sleep and feel better :)
Hearts
Al said on Sunday how important it is to guard your heart. And it IS important. There are so many things in our lives that pull on us and require our time and energy and our love. Good things, mainly, but even good things can pull us off track. I am always surprised the the summer when the show "Big Brother" is on and I tell myself, I'll only watch a few episodes and that most of the episode is just recap of an episode, but I still watch all the episodes anyway!
Today I was thinking (while I happened to be washing dishes) how it would be good to have myself focused more on the future, rather than dwelling in the past. Time is such an odd commodity for humans.
