The fake smile
Years and years ago at Next, I was helping at one of the lunches and someone said that I had a fake smile. This surprised me because I felt it was quite genuine. I don't suppose that anyone can have a 100% genuine smile in that everyone has some hurts residing somewhere, but at the time the comment was made I was feeling happy and peaceful. Until that comment. After the comment it probably was a fake smile as my brain tried to assimilate the fact that while I was smiling a genuine smile someone didn't interpret it as that. And I did understand that the person wasn't saying it out of malice but maybe not all mental capacities were functioning correctly.
And that affected me for months afterwards as I was always analyzing my smile.
I still encounter that person from time to time. I try to smile as genuinely as I can but it is always fake because the hurt is still there and I no longer know how to smile a genuine smile with that person. Not that the person cares or notices. Funny that the person who thought my smile was fake when it was genuine thinks the fake smiles are genuine.
could we start again?
In
this song from Jesus Christ Superstar the characters are singing about the way things have the appearance of going off course with their movement. Of course, it wasn't actually off course, just looked that way to them.
The song I find applicable in other ways. If I mess up, if I'm not listening to God, I ask Him if we can start again. I know his mercies are fresh every morning. Because God's character is forgiving I find it easy to ask this.
But dealing with people is another story. People whose words have wounded you. People who have hurt you. In many cases they may not remember it but you do. In this case could we start again means giving them a clean slate and not thinking about the hurt. But this is VERY hard to do. I wish my character was more like God's.
hips don't lie
In July my right hip started to hurt a bit. I figured I had pulled it in my workout and it would get better. I really only notice it during my workout. It hasn't gotten better though.
When Nat and Karrie's baby was born they said she had hip problems and they will have to do some work on that so that her hip develops correctly.
I feel I should work out some prayer strategy for this but haven't figured it out yet.
breaking the glass
Last week I wrote about a dream I had where the glass on the building that I was in by a force on the outside that I perceived as threatening. But the way the glass was broken there was a word carved in the glass. But I couldn't see what it was. I wrote that I wanted to see.
I went to Kim's church in the evening and during the worship service I saw the word- it was LOVE. Love can shatter our lives in ways we don't understand. Love can be perceived as threatening as it requires a lot from us. It requires us to be vulnerable and to trust.
In the last year I have found myself protecting myself more, trusting less. I know that is not love's way so I am trying to improve.
Dam breaking
Al did a great sermon out of the gate in the new year. I called it Let's get real. I don't know what his actual title was. It was good and challenging in what he said.
Everything he said I thought was good, however, the scripture he used seemed to say something else to me than what his focus was.
He used Matthew 2:
After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi[a] from the east came to Jerusalem 2 and asked, “Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.”
3 When King Herod heard this he was disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him. 4 When he had called together all the people’s chief priests and teachers of the law, he asked them where the Messiah was to be born. 5 “In Bethlehem in Judea,” they replied, “for this is what the prophet has written:
6 “‘But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah,
are by no means least among the rulers of Judah;
for out of you will come a ruler
who will shepherd my people Israel.’[b]”
7 Then Herod called the Magi secretly and found out from them the exact time the star had appeared. 8 He sent them to Bethlehem and said, “Go and search carefully for the child. As soon as you find him, report to me, so that I too may go and worship him.”
9 After they had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen when it rose went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was. 10 When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. 11 On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. 12 And having been warned in a dream not to go back to Herod, they returned to their country by another route.
What stood out to me was the part I put in bold. The Magi come looking for the star. On the way they probably pass other travelers and find out the big city is Jerusalem and the big power is Herod. They go to see him. As Al stressed in his sermon, Herod was a pretty godless dude. BUT he was the one who sent the Magi on the RIGHT path. God is in control. He can use who or what he wants. Herod was used as the focusing agent for God. The Magi needed a path to walk and Herod gave it to them. They didn't have the scriptures about Bethlehem. They needed to walk the path they did to get to where they needed to go.
Going into Rustle in the morning, I feel a need for focus. There is a song in my head since the new year and I feel that God is tying to tell me something through it, but I haven't reached out to what it is. I had a dream about words being chiseled in a broken window but I couldn't read what they were. I feel like I need just a slight adjustment of focus to see these things. Do you ever feel like that? Like you are close to focus but you know you are not there.
I see from the scripture that this focus could come from anywhere. Not to prejudge. God knows what he is doing.
At the end of the service, the spirit came in and dams were broken. A great way to end.
New Year!
This year started with a pretty awesome service. One of the best I've been to as they let God move and do what He wanted. I feel positive so far for 2013.
Started with not much sleep as James was up early and the service went late.
Started with this song running through my head on waking (I don't like the video very much but the song is good.)
Started with prayer and this song.
Paul has a hurt back and I thought of how that is like the church. His back has a strong core filled with the Holy Spirit. But if even a little bit gets irritated or out of alignment that affects the whole body. Sometimes it is things we do that get us out of alignment. Sometimes things just happen to us. We need to cultivate the hard parts in our life to keep us flexible, to keep us healthy.
