Following a difficult call
"If the Jesus you are following is not leading you into the realm of the impossible to make changes in your world, you are probably following the wrong one." Francis Frangipane in This Day We Fight!I reading the Francis Frangipane book, which is REALLY good, as well as mulling on 1 Kings 18 that we read at Kim's Church.
In that one chapter God asks 2 people to do difficult things. First, Elijah tells Obadiah, a servant of Ahab to go and tell Ahab that he is here. Now Obadiah doesn't want to do this because he knows that Ahab hates Elijah and has looked all over for him and if he goes and tells him and then Elijah doesn't show up then Ahab will be really mad and will kill Obadiah. I'm just imagining this, as it's what goes through my head when I talk about spiritual things with people who I know hate God. What if I say the wrong thing? What if God doesn't show up?
But Elijah comforts him and says don't worry I'll show up. But as far as I can tell in the Bible, Elijah doesn't go with him. I'd be like- come on Elijah. So Obadiah has to trust in Elijah and go out on his own to face Ahab. And Elijah does show up.
I think what God tells Elijah to do is much harder. He has to go and face the man who wants to kill him and then challenge him to a competition! When he arrives to see Ahab, Ahab accuses him of causing trouble for Israel. Which is the way your enemies see you. Always causing trouble. But Elijah says No, that's you. But instead of getting into an argument with Ahab he swiftly moves on to why he came- for that impossible challenge. Which happens to be possible with God.
From Francis again:
Get used to the idea that Jesus is seeking to perfect your faith. Plan on the fact that He will probably set you in some otherwise impossible situation to force your faith to the surface. Sooner or later, the real Jesus will require you to look the impossible straight in the eye and believe God for His power.
New Waterford girl
This was a really good movie (and it would be safe for you to watch Barbara!). It's mainly about friendship and following your dream. The main character (Moonie) is a gloomy arts type whose dream is to go to NY. And the movie is about the unconventional steps that she takes to attain this. And then when she finally is on the edge of her dream, she's about to step back from it and her mother, who had been against the idea the whole time, is the once who makes sure she follows her dream.
It's also about the friendship between Moonie and Lou- a girl who can punch like a boy. Moonie is at first reluctant but Lou's determination and fresh spirit wins her over.
It's also a Canadian movie.
I would recommend renting it if you can!
Last night, I went to Kim's church. It was pretty full for a special Saturday night meeting with Renee Clark. I was kindof worried at the start as they played a couple of serious themed songs in a happy clappy way and that really didn't do much for me. But after happy clappy #2 they went into some free singing which seemed to improve the atmosphere and then they went into "Carry the Mantle" by Joy Wells and things really got going. It was quite enjoyable after that. Renee spoke on the spirit of Elijah and she went through 1 Kings 18 and described from that chapter some of the characteristics of the spirit of Elijah. Willingness to obey, no delay, confront the enemy, demonstration, a gathering annointing, repairing the brokenness and fire. She also compared Elijah to a type of Christ being gathered up (when he died) and letting his mantle fall. So when Christ went up he let his mantle fall on the Church. I had never looked at the similarities in that before.
Then we went to the front and prayed for Kingston. It was really a good time.
Dancing
For someone who walks about 5km a day, I thought I was in shape until James and I were dancing to Raffi for about 1/2 hour and it winded me. (not him! he wanted to do it again) So I decided that my sedentary 6 or 7 hours at the computer needs to be broken up a bit and this morning I took 20 minutes and danced to James Blunt. I had some training as a dancer before, but hadn't danced since James' birth. After the c-section I couldn't really walk! And then I always felt that my stomach was so tender. I was probably ready to do this ages ago, though, physically. Maybe not mentally.
ChildrenWe talked about children at a Rustle meeting recently. How during a Church service we could try to get the children redirected if they are getting out of hand. I find this challenging for children I don't really know but for Tara or AJ say I wouldn't have a problem talking to them. But I guess the point of community is that you do know the children (or you get to know them!).
An experience related to this: I was talking with another child's father while James was playing with his child. The father was trying to get his kid to go home. I was not listening to what the kids were saying. But the father stopped and said loudly "James, WHAT did you say?". James imediately clammed up because he's not used to being roared at and was probably assuming that what he had said was wrong, if someone would roar at you. James wouldn't say anything more. The father turned to me and said something about James saying something mean. I said I didn't hear it. But it did surprise me the father's handling of it, only because I never roar, I suppose. Unless he's doing something crazy like about to step into traffic!
So then later when it was just James and I and I was getting him ready for bed I asked him what he had said. He clammed up at first. But then he said that he had said something like "It's time for you to go". Now the tone that he said it with may have been bossy, because he can be like that, and that might have been what the father reacted to. I try to catch James when he's being bossy, because he can be a little dictator when he wants to, and try to alert him to his ways!
Children's discipline styles are different. Maybe some children need roaring. But then you push the envelope and have to roar and roar to get them to take you seriously. I am so glad that James is a lamb. If you explain to him why he shouldn't do something, he generally doesn't repeat it.
Pieces of April
I watched this movie last night. The blurb on the back of the case didn't make it sound too interesting, but it really was. It's about a girl (April) living on her own and her dysfunctional family coming to visit her for Thanksgiving. Most of the film is about all the difficulties she has and the people she meets because her stove is broken. But by the end of the film she has put together a decent spread. Her family arrives but don't seem to like where she is living in NY and they see her boyfriend and before they even see her (who they haven't seen in a number of years) they drive off to have Thanksgiving in a restaurant. April is excited that they are there but by the time she gets downstairs they have left. She can't believe she's been abandoned again (as the family has never been too keen on her) and she's terribly upset but then goes on to serve the people in the apartment who have been helping her. Her family does come back and she serves them as well.
For me it was a picture of God's love. We reject Him and make Him cry by not listening or having wrong ideas but when we come back to Him, he's happy to have us at His feast!
Shoveling
Looks like James and I will be doing a lot of shoveling snow tonight. I don't think the mailman could make it through the drifts today. They closed the physics office and RMC at lunchtime due to the weather. But the schoolbus that runs by here seemed to be running on time.
Myron went to John H's party last night. John turned the big 5-0. Myron couldn't really tell me anything about the party. When he's working on the computer he talks really slowly. So he'll say two words and there will be a huge pause and then the next two words. So I gave up asking about the party.
Off to go and sled my boy home so we can shovel!
Low
Myron had to work today. James made valentines in the morning and we did some chores and goofed off in the morning. About noon, I started to feel a bit depressed and I was tired so I went to lie down for a bit, but James wasn't too pleased with this and wanted me up. I did get up but wasn't feeling better. I can't recall accomplishing anything in the afternoon. James played with a balloon a lot. Around 4 we were in the hall. James was playing trains and I picked up the book by Lisa Bevere "Fight like a girl" and read the chapter where there was an incident in her life and God asked her something like "Am I enough for you?". It keeps ringing in my head so I'm thinking God is asking me the same question! I felt better after the read, anyway.
Unfettered
Hmm. I read my last post and was surprised at how unfettered my writing was!
The bf I had when I was at Queen's, his name was Brandon (no relation to the Brandon at Rustle!) and breaking up with him was really devastating for me. I knew that it wouldn't work, but this one was really sore for me. And he really wasn't a great catch, but I guess I got attached.
He was a friend of my housemate at the time. I lived on Collingwood St. with some crazy people. But my one housemate was not crazy. We got along well. And when I met his friend from home (Vancouver) we just clicked. I had never clicked with anyone before, so this was new for me. I had just become a Christian a few months before. And was so excited that now I had it all God and a boyfriend. What more could a girl ask for? Except that the guy was an athiest, drank, smoked and probably dealt drugs. His academic integrity was also suspect. But he was smart and funny and I guess we got along well. He understood isolation.
But breaking up with him and having no support structure- being away from home and just starting at a new Church- was really hard and I was in bad shape. I cried a lot that year.
The funny thing I remember from this is that Brandon had a housemate named Steve who was also from St. C. and he was a womanizer and probably supplying Brandon with the drugs and he really disliked me for the sole reason of the Christianity and we would have these funny discussions about how lame I was and I would try to explain things in Christianity that I was barely grasping myself. It was interesting, even if I have no idea if it ever went anywhere in his brain. Brandon was more tolerant of the Christianity stuff in that he was happy for the most part to ignore it.
Emotional attachment
As Layla said in her comment, I wasn't really emotionally attached to Pete or John. I find emotional attachment difficult. I resist emotional attachment where possible. That may be why I don't want another baby. Maybe it scares me how much I am invested in James.
When James was born, I didn't want anything to do with him. Partly, I might have been blaming him for the traumatic birth. Partly I might have been resisting the emotional attachment. He was born at 2:30am and I refused to have pretty much anything to do with him until after 5am and only then because I felt it was my duty because Myron really had to go home and have some rest. I didn't really want him with me. But shortly after I took him, he grabbed onto my finger and wouldn't let go, and I knew he needed me and I was toast.
Growing up, my family was pretty isolated, in that all my extended family was in Europe so basically all it was was my brother and mom and dad. In high school, I had friends at school and in the neighbourhood, but I spent a lot of time with my brother and reading books and doing schoolwork. I didn't put friends high on the priority list. My parents didn't spend a lot of time with friends, so I probably mimicked their priority schedule.
When my parents had dropped me off at Queen's, I remember locking myself in my room and thinking that I could get through the experience without having to deal with the social scene. I missed the first meal because I really wouldn't come out of my room. But Queen's is very community oriented in the first year, so that didn't last long. I was dragged around lots of places. I did make a good friend, Clara, in that first week who is still my friend today.
Being away from Rustle for 3 weeks due to sickness was hard because really it is my support structure. Yesterday, I was pretty much wishing I could move back to St. C.
They're a good group, I'm trying to let them in to my life. Though James can be a bit of a distraction from that.
