Not as I planned
The day that I had planned today was I going to get the kitchen in shape for painting tomorrow. I figured that it would take about a day to get everything cleaned and the tape on.
But the wolf dream had made me very uneasy and I wanted to fight for my bunnies. My #1 plan was to read the Bible. Which I did - in 2 Chronicles.
Then I picked up a book that I had to special order, and had received a few months ago, but had not opened yet. "Blessing your spirit" by Sylvia Gunter and Arthur Burk. I thought the best way to combat negativity would be by blessing. It turns out that it is a book of 40 days of blessings. So I started with Day 1 which was entitled "Identity and Legitimacy" and prayed it over myself (which is a bit uncomfortable to do!) and then over anyone that came to mind. It is quite a long blessing, so it takes some time to pray!
My favorite bit was the lines:
Your life is not a random thing. He is looking forward to the chapters of the story He has already written.
I thought this was interesting, because as I have been reading 2 Chronicles and comparing it to what is going on in the world today, I was thinking what a disappointment we must be to Him. But we aren't. We are His heart. And I worry all the time that I'm going to screw up and disappoint Him. To think He looks forward to the days, when I worry so much! No wonder He says that worrying is pointless.
So, the morning I spent reading, and praying and then I took a short nap. In the afternoon I did the kitchen and even managed to get the first coat of paint on! I was amazed at the progress:)
Email
I had a very disturbing dream about a
wolf last night. James phones before I got out of bed, so I might have forgotten a regular dream, but this was so vivid, it stayed.
Before I wrote the dream down, I checked my email. It was a very unexpected email. About someone having some serious family problems. It surprised me. It doesn't take that much, I guess as I had 2 shocks in one morning.
what's next?
ouch
Sometimes I feel as though my posts are repetitive. I make the same mistakes over and over again. On Dec. 6th I wrote about responding out of hurt and this week, I saw myself do that once again. Well, at least I recognize where it is coming from. Hopefully, one day I will get to a point where I can stop it before it happens!
what's next?
Joy goes to a funeral
Al's sermon today was so good, I'm not sure I've digested it enough yet to put into words, but writing sometimes helps with processing things from my brain to my heart.
Al said that it took him a long time to be able to go to funerals. I, too, avoid funerals like the plague.
But there are things in our lives that need funerals. I can think of a few. I can go to those sorts of funerals.
Al said "Joy says, what's next?". That is a great way to sum up joy. Joy is forward thinking. Life may go through bad patches (that may last years!) but to keep joy is to keep hope that things will get better.
Gut
Yesterday I wrote about committing something to God to deal with. I am a mixture of amusement and awe. I walked into work this morning- a few minutes before 8 and as I was walking to my office a resolution to the problem landed in from of me. As I walked away from the interaction, it felt like I had been punched in the gut. It may have been resolved, but it certainly wasn't how I expected or wanted it resolved! It hurt a lot. So, I only recommend committing something to God if you are really sure you'll take any outcome!
See, Al, I didn't mention anything about dogs or candles!
whiz
Today seemed to fly by. I wrote a bit about it on the Rogers blog. I have a pile of things that I know in my head I should do tonight, but I'd rather write here! Then I'll get to the heap of dishes and 47 Christmas cards that need to be written.
Clover cracked me up today needing to take communion before the sermon. I don't know if she was hungry or if she felt the sudden urge to wash her sins away, but it was pretty funny :) We are going to miss you Peters so much, but I know you'll have fun in your new adventures!
Two weeks ago when I took communion, I took it as a commitment to deal with a problem that I have been wrestling with. 2 weeks have gone by. I think I've made some progress. I think I've gotten a bit better at dealing with this. But during the first song at Rustle, I just felt that God was in control of it and he wasn't going to let me do the wrong thing. (Even if I would maybe prefer to do the wrong thing!) So, today, I took communion and committed it all to God. I trust Him. I know He is able. And now, if I screw up, I can blame Him, right? lol. Not quite sure it works like that, but anyway!
Responding out of hurt
In the last week or so (especially on the trip to St. C) I can see myself responding to people from a place of hurt. I can see myself doing it, but didn't stop myself. I know that I should be more mature! But when the wound goes deep, sometimes that is the easiest way to deal with it. I guess I need to do some work on my wounds, so they are not so fresh and I can respond out of healing and not out of hurt.
Ripped apart
After the rough Wednesday that I spoke of on the last post, a couple of days later I had
a dream that has been sticking with me since. It looked like there had been an explosion at Rustle. There was dirt and dust everywhere (messy!). That is what I thought at the start of the dream, though by the end of the dream I was looking at it as 'renovation'. There is probably a big difference between explosion and renovation!
Jesus talks about a seed being put into the Earth and dying in order to grow. Sometimes things need to be shaken up and cleared out in order to grow strong. But Rustle is so young and small. And really really young. It seems too early for a good shaking! What do we need to put in the Earth in order to grow strong?
I know what I need to put in. Self-sufficiency. There are some things that I quite often pray and ask God to deal with, only a few days/hours/minutes later to take it back and try to deal with it all myself.
