Fix you
I am in a scary (good) place right now. My mind is swirling from all the things I'm thinking on. I'll jot some down here, but as I'm still in the process, I can't guarantee how coherent they will be.
The past two weeks have been very difficult as the insurance co. has discontinued Myron's support. They claim he is well enough to go back to work.
Coincidentally, we had some people from our church over to pray for Myron and some prayed from home. This was good, it has given me some direction which I haven't felt before.
When Myron first became sick, we thought it was a physical thing. But the drs have done all the tests and say there is nothing physically wrong with him. So that just leaves the mind, which is a crazy space to work in. Al talked about people being led out of dark places. This dark place has consumed our whole family. I have no idea how to get out, but I know that God is the light and direction. I told Al that I didn't know what to do and he suggested that doing something was better than doing nothing. Which is very true.
Also when I talked with Al, I realized that except for a few opposite factors, my marriage is coming close to my parents marriage. And while I love my parents dearly and this might work for them, it's not ok for me. I don't want to wake up in 10 or 20 years and see that I have the marriage that they have.
a change in perspective. a good one
Song transformation
Yesterday I would consider a bad day. My attitude was bad and I was upset that whole day. UNTIL, I started to sing the song we do quite a bit at Rustle that goes "I wish you all the best things" to the situations at hand.
"All the Very Best Things" by Terry Scott Taylor. I also don't know any of the song other than that one line, so it is a very repetitive one-line song when I sing it. But it was very helpful. It turned my attitute around and today is going to be a good day. I hope!
Life is like a pizza crust
Today when I was speading a pizza crust, at the very start there was a hole. It was like it started out with a flaw. And as I spread it, I would try to put more dough on the hole or push the surrounding dough to cover the hole. I had to proceed very delicately because if I made even a slight wrong move, the hole would reappear. When I got it all done and baked it, you couldn't tell that the hole had been there. But for a good part of the dough speading lifetime the hole was there, unending. It sometime seems that we spend our whole lifetime trying to fill the same hole within us. But when we are transformed, I suppose it will all be healed in the end.
Healing seahorses
If you had asked me at the start of the week how the week would go, I would not have GUESSED at all all the things that happened this week. It has been an overwhelming week. (For James too- he didn't even manage to stay awake during period 1 of the final stanley cup game)
On Wednesday morning, I had a dream about healing seahorses with glowing red bellies. Now, it may sound a bit new-agey but when I looked up the interpretation for both seahorses AND glowing red, they BOTH were talking about change of perspective.
That change has to come from the belly, the most inner part.
John 7:38 He that believeth in Me, as the Scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water."Changing one's perspective can be a healing thing, but true change must come from the innermost being. I'm pondering this.
somedays I can't cope, but God props me up
Aircraft
When I was in my early 20s, I would sometimes have these terrifying dreams about aircraft going down and then I would wake up and check the news and an aircraft really did go down. It was spooky. I had to pray and ask God to take it away because it freaked me out too much. It did stop. This summer I am working on a project on structural health monitoring in aircraft. Odd, but good!
I made a comment on
Robert from Oregon's blog about something I have been thinking about recently. I was walking by an 'adult' video store and was thinking about characteristics of sin. That a feature of sin can be that we are trying to fill some hole in our life with something other than what God wants to fill it with. God wants to fill us with His pure love, so instead people watch this warped version of love in the adult videos. God wants to fill us with happiness, but instead people drink liquid happiness. God wants to fill us with joy, but instead people take drugs for a false joy. It is a substitution of something carnal for what is supposed to be something Godly. Maybe that's why God hates sin. It's his competition! (and a rather poor competition at that)
BUT sometimes people use good things to fill the same holes. Sometimes people get married because they feel a lack of love and instead of having God fill them, they look to a human to do that. So even good things can be twisted by the holes in our insides.
Really, only God fixes us, and sometimes in the most bizarre ways. We can run, but if we really want to be fixed, He will always be there.
