Chute
I read my last few entries and laughed at my Mar 1 post, knowing how on Mar 2 it would completely spin around again.
After Mar 2, I feel like I'm in a chute and sliding. It's kind of fun, but there is nowhere to get a hand or a foot grip. You just have to go along with it until you reach the end of the ride.
Causeway
Sometimes I am crazy enough to tell people my dreams. I know some people don't really want to hear other people's crazy dreams, so I try to choose safe audiences. People that I won't freak out too much. I mean I write mostly everything on the dream blog, but I don't make anyone read it!
Anyway, I was talking with someone about ice dams and danger they pose to the causeway and for some reason I launched into my dream about me and the causeway from last week (
Swept away) As I start into it, I realize that this person may not be too comfortable with the crazy dreams, so I try to wind down the story and move on to other things, but no, they asked how it ended, so I told them about praying and being rescued.
This interestingly cause a response- I haven't really processed it which is probably why I'm writing now. The person I was telling this to said some people said these bad things happened and then God saved them, but wasn't God there in all the bad things as well. This surprised me because I didn't think that about my dream at all so I wasn't quite prepared for that! I think I said something about us creating the messes! Now I think about it, it's a good thing God doesn't get tired because we tend to have lots of messes for Him to save us from!
Visit
My mother is coming up for a short visit- less than 24 hours! I will spend more time stressing and cleaning than she will be here for! But it all needs to get done. Sometimes it's a good thing to have some reason that things need to get done!
This week has been very crazy with lots of surprising things happening. (most listed on my list of blindsides on the Rogers blog!) On Wed. someone I trust told me something about myself that I didn't like very much. But they were completely correct. And I'm having a better understanding of the root of some of my behaviours. Hopefully, with understanding things, that will help me deal with things. I have a lot to think about.
And looking back a week ago (when I wrote 'Spin'), I surprised at how far I had come. Now I am surprised at how far I have gone backwards. Something that I thought I had dealt with and had closure on in early December, ripped all the way back open and I feel like I'm back at square one. But I know I sewed the wound up once, I can do it again (with God's help!)!
Spin
It is hard to believe that I look back at where I was last Sunday and see that I am in a completely different place in my head. When I prayed the prayer last week, I had an idea about how God could answer. I was completely wrong. It's never what you ever expect is it? But it feels like a better spot, so that's good.
I talked with someone this week who was in the St. George's boys choir during the time that the pedophile was running it (in the 70s). This got me thinking about the spiritual significance of this. Let's call the pedophile John. (his actual name lol) Was God with John? I suppose it all depends on the condition of his heart. He had sin in his life, but then so do most of us! And God manages to work around us. But when you look at the fallout of what he did- some of the boys committed suicide, some are deeply scarred, even the ones he didn't touch physically come out with scars. After John served his time I believe he went to work for a church in Ottawa. I would think if he were repentant, there would be evidence of this. I hope there is. But it's really between he and God, isn't it?
